you country punk
by callmesandy
Summary: "Maybe I prefer the long odds," Deeks says. He pulls Kensi closer. (post ep for 5x03. Warning for mention of suicide.)


not mine, no profit garnered. for the ncis bingo square "birthdays and anniversaries." For The Jam aka wingsy. Thanks jf for beta and how she likes air. Title and opening quote from Kristin Hersh's song "like you."

* * *

_You nature lover, you country punk_  
You bowl me over, and I'm not that drunk  
You're one in a million, you're one in two  
You're not like women, and I'm not like you  
I'm not like you, I'm not like you

"I think, since you picked the place, you should therefore pay," Deeks says.

She smiles and doesn't stop eating.

"You should pay because it's our anniversary," he says.

Kensi manages to make skeptical face around her food.

"No, seriously, it's the anniversary of, um, when we got back from our vacations after our lovely visit to Romania. Our separate vacations. And I had bought a gift for you and you had gotten me nada. Nothing. But I was manly about it, put up a tough front."

Kensi laughs, and possibly spits out a bit of food. "You did not, oh my god. You did not stop talking about it until Hunter made you."

"She didn't make me," he says.

"She kinda did," Kensi says. "She sort of humiliated you with two words and a look."

"She really did," Deeks says. "It sucks she's dead."

"Yeah," she says. "Janvier. Like Renko." And you, she thinks.

"And me, right?" He gives her one of his brand new almost smiles that doesn't really reach his eyes.

She stares at him. She says, "But you're not dead." They both look at each for what seems like eternity. Finally he looks away and back at his food.

Kensi says, "I still have it, by the way."

"It?" He laughs as he speaks.

"What you got me." She's finished what she ordered so she starts picking at his plate.

"I know. You do know you're supposed to use soap, right? Not just leave it in a dish by the shower?"

"But it smells so good." He laughs, either at what she said or the large piece of pork she just took from his plate. "It does smell good. I use when I take it a bath but I don't want to use it up. I like it."

"Okay," he says. "Message received."

They eat in silence for the next few minutes. Kensi hates this periodic burst of awkwardness. They used to be okay.

Deeks says, "Hey, remember when I kissed you?"

She does a literal spit-take. Deeks laughs at her and offers her a paper napkin.

He says, "So I take it you do."

"I thought, you know, you hadn't brought it up."

"Well, since you freak out just saying you miss me, I think I have a reason to," he says. He looks very serious. It's an attractive look on him, like many of them, but right now she's leery of it.

"That wasn't it," she says. "It's, it's work. I don't know where we are, as work people. As partners at work. You haven't been at work for weeks and, and I was just trying to feel my way back to how we act, how we act now."

He nods. "Okay, accepted."

She opens her wallet, takes out enough cash for their bill and a generous tip. She stands up and he stands up and they walk out of the restaurant. When they get to her car, he says, "No, really, we kissed."

"I know," she says. "I was there."

"Did you hate it or something? Do you not want me to kiss you?"

She is wordless. So Defensive Kensi takes over. "You're the one who didn't bring it up. You didn't talk to me for weeks. Are you sleeping now? Did you even look at those names I left you?"

"The shrinks? The ones who all work with vets, when, I don't know if you noticed, but I am not a veteran, not military at all," he says. He leans against her car door so she can't actually get into the car without pushing him.

"You didn't look," she says. "They all also serve police officers. They're, they're discreet. A lot of people, vets, cops, they don't want that kind of thing on their record. I mean, people say it doesn't matter, but it can. And you know it would help."

"Nice change of subject," he says.

"It's not a change of subject," she says. "It's, you asked me about the kiss and why we haven't said anything. I said you didn't talk to me for all those weeks, didn't answer phone or email -"

"You could have just come over," he says, arms crossed. Like he's in the right.

"I was waiting," she says. "You said you wanted space."

"Scaredy cat," he says.

"Yeah," she says, before thinking about it. This is like saying she missed him. She's not ready for this conversation and she feels a little woozy. "You were scaring me when we talked in the bullpen. You didn't want to be around anybody."

She steps up to him and kisses him, fingers in his hair, her thumbs brushing against his jaw. He uncrosses his arms and pulls her even closer. It's a really excellent kiss, despite or because of the taste of bulgogi on his tongue and hers.

She steps back, not as far as she started since he's holding her around the waist. She says, "I liked the kiss."

"I liked that one," he says. "But don't you think I'm too crazy to be doing this?"

She shakes her head. "I think it might be crazy to do this. Terrifying. What about us being partners and work us? What happens when we break up?"

"When we break up," he says. "Because that's inevitable."

"It's a good bet," she says.

"Maybe I prefer the long odds," he says. He pulls her closer still.

"That was an innuendo," she says. She can feel his long odds against her.

"Maybe," he says. "So, you don't want to kiss me because you heard all that shit Sabatino was dishing when he was trying to get in your pants but you will kiss me to prove a point?"

"I don't, how do you know what Sabatino said?" She should move, she thinks. For reasons, she definitely has reasons. But it's such a good fit with him holding her.

"I'm not an idiot and I know a player when I see one," he says. "Also, I think not kissing is much worse for our partnership and work."

"Really?"

"Really," he says. He sounds serious. She is warm and turned on and confused and worried and definitely flustered. "Not kissing means we're awkward with each other, we spend all this time second guessing what the other one said, we're irrationally jealous when we're doing our job. It'll poison us," he says firmly.

"That's an argument," she says.

"It's a good one," he says. He kisses her this time. She is in love with his lips and his hand squeezing her butt. She is sure this is a bad idea.

She pulls away enough to say, "We should go."

He says, "To your place or mine?"

She rolls her eyes and presses her lips together. She is about to say something about being smart but he's hard against her and she really wants to see him naked. "Yours," she says. "I miss Monty." He lets her go.

They drive very quickly to his place. As they are basically racewalking up to his door, he says, "I'm moving, by the way."

"Why?" She is about to break into his apartment because he is taking forever getting out his keys. "Why are you moving again?"

"Last time I moved it was because I got shot by people who stalked my apartment. Now, I dunno. I found a new place, though." They're inside and Monty is loudly barking. "Sure you can't wait, pal?"

"Don't be cruel," Kensi says. "I'll take him for walkies."

"I'll wait for you," he says. She notices there are already boxes in his living room. She's been to his place three nights out of the last five.

"Monty, when did your daddy decide this?" Monty has no answer.

Kensi has a collection of old injuries that keep coming back to prick her. She can tell where every scar on her body is and once in a while all of them have pulled when she walked the wrong way or tried to do a twist at yoga. But she loves her body, she is always impressed with what her body does. Most of all during sex. "We're going to fuck, right?" It's a weird thing to say as she walks in the door, but it's been a night full of the unexpected.

"I sure hope so," he says, from the bedroom.

"Are you naked in there?" She grins and heads in. He is, lounging on the bed. He is a very pretty sight to look at, all six feet of him. "Don't let this go to your head," she says, taking off her shirt. "You're pretty."

"You, too," he says. She gets her jeans off and leaves her boots at the foot of the bed. She sits on her knees between his legs. As she takes off her bra, he is already pulling off her panties. So they're both naked.

For a minute she is removed from her body watching from above. Kensi and Deeks kissing, bodies pressed together. This is happening. This is happening.

She says, "I have an IUD. No diseases, do you?"

He stares at her. He says, "I, no, no nothing. They tested for a lot of things when I was in the hospital." She is gripping his hard dick and it's mean to make him talk, it makes her laugh.

He pushes inside her, she is super ready. She's been ready for years but her body has been ready and wet since before they got in the car. They would look ridiculous, she thinks, if she were floating above them now. Ridiculous faces and sounds. He's on top of her now and she is stupid happy.

He comes and pulls out. She pushes his head down and he is between her legs. She still loves his lips and now she loves his tongue. Then she comes and he lays his head on the pillow next to hers.

"Oh, jeez," he says. "Monty! Get out." He looks back at her. "You're not creeped out Monty was watching, right?"

"Should I be?" She curls on her side. They are both a disgusting sweaty sticky mess. "I'm sleepy."

"Me, too," he says, but he's getting up and out of the bed. He pulls her up and they stand in the bathroom looking at each other in the mirror. He looks tired. Then they're back in bed.

She wakes up because Deeks does. He starts and gasps. She wakes up because Monty immediately jumps on the bed and sits on Deeks. She smiles at Monty and whispers, "Good boy." Deeks is already back asleep.

"Are you gonna call one of those doctors?" It's the first thing she says when she gets up. She sits up straight and stretches her arms.

He blinks rapidly. He's already out of bed, standing by the bed, toweling off his wet hair. He must have showered again. He stares. "Sorry," he says. "Just, wow, your breasts. Really, wow."

"Thanks," she says. She does a little shoulder dip and shake for him. "All natural." She laughs.

Then he's kneeling on the bed, cupping her breasts. He does all the foreplay they skipped last night. He spends a lot of time with his mouth on one breast, then the other. He's kissing circles on her flat stomach when she comes thanks to his fingers and helped by her own hand. "Did you do all that to avoid my question," she says, once she can talk again.

"Maybe," he says. "Do I have to call? I'm back at work, I sleep, I'm great."

"You are actually great at some things," she says. "But you weren't great at work. You were good. And you were worried, too. I know you were. Please call. There's nothing wrong with getting help."

"Fine," he says. He gets up and goes back into the bathroom to shower again.

He makes a call before they leave for her place so she has clean clothes. He even makes an appointment.

So she waits until they're in the car on their way to breakfast before work before she says, "Why are you moving?"

"I found a place," he says. "So, are we sleeping together now? We're going from kiss to awkward to sex?"

"You found a place, so you're moving? And, and I don't know. I guess we're something. I think you're right about not kissing ruining our relationship."

"I found a place. It's smaller, and more of a loft, right on the beach, though. Sort of. It's much closer to the beach. I can walk to the beach and go surfing. And it's affordable. One of my cop friends told me about it." There's a quirk in his smile.

"Oh, god, the previous renter was murdered, right? That's how you know." She makes a face and gags. "You know that's gross, right?"

"Not murdered, committed suicide. And it wasn't gory, he overdosed on his meds," Deeks says.

"I don't think you should live in that place. That's not a good place," she says.

"I don't believe in that kind of thing," Deeks says firmly.

"I don't either, but that's just a bad idea. What if it's for real?" She frowns. "Look, maybe that can be something you talk about with your new shrink."

"May be, but I'm moving in Saturday and my appointment is Monday, so I hope she's not against it." He takes his hand off the wheel and squeezes her thigh. "I think you'll like it."

"You still need to go, you know." She sighs. "Should we have slept together? Maybe your shrink will be against that, too."

"Wow, my shrink is sounding like a pretty negative person." He takes a deep breath. "Look, maybe should is a word we can just table for a while, okay? No more should."

She hates that plan. She's lived a lot of life by what she should be and how she should be. She looks at Deeks. His profile is deceptively calm. His hand on her thigh is tentative. "I am not ready for that," she says. "I don't know."

"Okay," he says. "Then maybe we try something else?"

They're at a pancake house. He pulls into a parking spot right in front. "Okay," she says. She gets out of the car and he gets out of the car. They go inside to eat, almost holding hands.


End file.
